If you’re married, I want to encourage you to see your spouse as a significant helper as you follow Jesus together.  

I need my wife to help me grow up into Jesus.  And she needs me.  It is mutual, and it is part of God’s design.  All of the one another commands in the New Testament (love, forgive, spur on, bear with, etc.) are not just lived out among the church family, but among the household at home, including in your marriage.  

My wife helps me see things.  For instance…

I am a man, so sometimes when I look in the fridge, pantry or closet, I don’t see things with the crystal-like clarity that she does.  Early in our marriage, I would give up quickly and ask for help.  Now, because I am both proud AND trust that if she says it is in there, it is; I commit to the search.  I actually move some things around, I stoop lower (where her 5’ 4.75” vantage point would be), and unlike U2, I will find what I am looking for.  

The other day, we were in a home improvement store.  I was looking for one particular tool, and when we got to the aisle, she noticed (further down the aisle), another option.  A different brand, one that I didn’t think that store carried.  And frankly, it was a better option.  But I missed it, because I had one thing on my mind.  And yes, there are times when she points out things and I think…nah, I like my idea better.  But I still want her to make suggestions, because that makes the end solution stronger.  

Over the course of three decades, we’ve driven some miles together as husband and wife.  And as my co-pilot, she helps me see things.  When traffic is slowing up ahead, and she’s wondering if I see it.  Sometimes I have, other times I have not and her sight has saved us from having to slam on the brakes.  I would rather listen to my wife’s voice giving the instructions, than the Google maps lady.  In heavy traffic or in places we haven’t been before, she will help me check my blind spots.  And yes, sometimes her ‘gasp’ is warranted and other times, not so much (but at least my heart has gotten a boost of adrenaline and is beating strong).

But beyond these small and in some ways, inconsequential examples, my wife helps me see things spiritually.  For instance…

As our kids were growing up, she helped give me insight and discernment into their hearts or situations.  She was a fellow disciplemaker alongside me, as together, we sought to shepherd them in the way of Jesus.  

In my work as an undershepherd in Jesus’ church, she has served as a counselor to my heart and helper behind the scenes.  Helping me process my ideas, hurts, struggles and joys.  

And in general, she has helped me see things the Lord is wanting to grow me in as a man of God.  The Holy Spirit has used my wife to be a source of comfort, counsel, truth, and conviction.  The Lord has used her to be the primary helper in my life to make progress as I grow up in Jesus and seek to enjoy and glorify Him.  

Husband and wives, one of the greatest gifts the Lord has given to you, to help you grow up in Jesus, is one another.  The New Testament picture of the Body of Christ applies to the church, and to your marriage union.  

1 Corinthians 12:4-7 (CSB): Now there are different gifts, but the same Spirit. There are different ministries, but the same Lord. And there are different activities, but the same God works all of them in each person. A manifestation of the Spirit is given to each person for the common good 

There is unity in the Body.  Same Spirit, Lord, and God.  And there is diversity in the Body.  Different gifts, ministries, and activities.  In the same way, the Lord has formed your marriage to be a unified one-flesh union, through the forming together of a husband and wife who have different personalities, experiences, talents and gifts.  

It is easy for us to want to brush aside our spouse’s help, with a tone of arrogance or self-righteousness, as if we are self-sufficient. Frankly, we aren’t. As God’s people, through faith alone and by grace alone, we have been joined to the Lord and to His people, the Church. And if you’re both in Christ, the ‘Church’ includes your spouse.

Husbands and wives, humbly and gladly welcome how the Lord wants to strengthen your hearts and marriage through the Spirit-led help and sight of one another.  May we not neglect such a good gift of His grace.