Ephesians 6:4b: …bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

As we seek to prayerfully bring our children up in the Lord and His Word and ways, keep these in view…

Keep the gospel in view

And the gospel says, your child has been fearfully and wonderfully made in His image.  That we are all born with a sin nature, that Jesus is our Savior and rescuer, the fullness of grace and truth, that sin must be addressed, and it was dealt with on the cross, and that there is always hope.  And our hope does not lie in our power to change from the outside in, but in God’s power to change us from the inside out.  So don’t just talk about shame and guilt as a result of sin, but also talk about salvation, forgiveness and love found in Jesus alone.

Keep the Spirit in view

One evidence of the Spirit at work in your heart is self-control.  Your discipline should be led by the Spirit and not the flesh.  Martin Lloyd Jones said, “When you’re disciplining a child, you should have first controlled yourself.  What right have you to say to your child that he needs discipline when you obviously need it yourself?”  

So ask the Spirit for help.  We grieve the Spirit when we try to operate apart from Him.  Be the parent, the adult in the room.  You throwing a fit like a child to try and produce change in a child is a fruit of the flesh. It may bear results in the short-term, but won’t in the long-term.

Keep the Father and your own heart in view

In the midst of bringing your children up in the Lord, the Father is doing the same thing in your heart.  Oftentimes, what you’re instructing your child in, you need to listen to as well.  Children have a responsibility to obey. Parents, are you obeying the Lord? 

Mom and dad, in age appropriate ways, talk to your kids about how the Lord is changing and forming your heart.  Where you are repenting and walking in obedience.  Be alongside them, not just an authority over them.  

Keep your own childhood in view

And how your childhood is forming for good or bad, your own parenting.  Some of you grew up in a very law based home, and you have swung the other way toward license and so you don’t engage your child in matters of sin and wrong.  You tend toward making excuses for them, justifying their actions, or blaming their actions on someone or something else.  

Others of you grew up as a kid who had full license to do whatever you wanted, and you have swung toward law, and so you focus a lot on morality and behavior, which isn’t bad, but it is often at the expense of getting to the heart and speaking the good news to them that a Savior has come, and the Savior is us. Our hope and help is found in Jesus alone.    

Be leary of overcorrection to what you did or didn’t experience as a kid.  

Keep the relationship in view

Mom and dad…when you sin and blow it in the relationship, repent.  And seek to continue in that posture.  Ask them…will you forgive me for, and name your sin.  Don’t blame shift and say, I’m sorry, but… you made me so angry.  And so you’re incorrectly blaming your actions on them, rather than owning your sin.  Rather, let us humbly own it, repent and walk in grace.  

And the last one…

Keep the end goal in view 

And the end goal is that your child, might by the grace of God alone, come to know Jesus in a saving relationship, enjoying and glorifying Him forever.  It is really easy to get short-sighted as a parent.  To want to fix this or that, and then never have that conversation again.  Someone has called parenting the never-ending conversation.  So true. The end goal is not moral robots or worldly success.  The goal is heart transformation as they follow and trust in Jesus.  

What a gift of grace it is to have the opportunity to join the Lord in shepherding the hearts and lives of the next generation.